‘Rhys lightning’ unfazed by zero-kph crash
It turns out my first Triathlon of 400m-20km-5km was ‘Novice’ distance and not ‘Super Sprint’ as I had originally thought, and the label was apt when I had my first fall outside Windsor railway station while trying to get into my clips on a hill start.
Still, I eventually made it to the event at the idyllic Dorney Lake in plenty of time to practise putting my trisuit on the right way round. But as we shuffled to the water’s edge for the start, I suddenly had the feeling of a sheep who had been promised a tasty pasture to graze, but who is actually being herded towards a gate marked ‘abattoir’.
The next nine minutes and three seconds were spent being torn between my natural instinct to apologise to my rivals for being in the way of their feet and elbows, and my newly-found desire to hold them under the water until the thrashing stopped. The bike was a short-lived relief, as I repeated the mantra “Spin to win, baby” as my trusty B’Twin Vasectomizer-500 saddle relentlessly yet aerodynamically deprived me of the ability to have children.
Exiting the transition at a waddle, to my surprise I continued to pick up speed on the run and overtook most of the bastards who had done the same to me on their bikes. I’d had the feeling of competing just about within myself since the swim, but I finished at a sprint – smashing my personal best by a massive 01:17:34 – and felt afterwards that I could have done better, as I sucked my fourth lollipop (taking regular breaks to stuff Haribo into my mouth).
Overall I was 43rd of 99 – 38th in the swim, 54th on the bike, 19th in the run – and will certainly be trying to beat that and repeat the adrenaline rush of the Facebook likes after proudly posting my first lycra-clad picture.